WHY?

Why? The ages old poignant wracking of the senses regarding senseless suffering or injustice. WHY does God allow such evil and suffering?

My lovely songbird friend, a mother of a small son and very idealist, cried to me not many afternoons ago. Her life is in shambles and she wonders how she can redeem herself from her credit rating destroyed by her irresponsible soon-to-be ex husband. She was distraught, but proceeded to share her feelings about a young humanitarian church woman who was followed from her church by a man who then brutally raped and murdered her.She could not understand why God did not step in the save this woman from her horrndous demise.
My friend and I are both very creative in art, music and fashion

Life happens and reality reigns.Though poets and artists hope their art will change the world, the reality is we are just a drop in the bucket. Lately, several in my inner circle sing the same refrain, "I am weary, burned out and ready to go home." I too, long to go home to be with Christ, my King where he will rule justly and there will be no more tears nor injustice.

As I write this entry, a soft rain falls. My front lawn is nothing more than dry, maize straw. I pray there will be enough moisture to restore the barren, parched grass into wholeness as I await my own parched spirit to regenerate into the fullness I used to have. I ponder the conversations of my closet confidants who poured there hearts out to me regarding many unpleasantness happening in the lives the past year.

"I can't understand what is going on," they say, exasperated.
The doubtful and the unbelieving ask, "Where is God in all this." I've been around the block long enough to know that God is in the midst of our most fiery trials. He never promised to keep us from them, but he did promise to be with us through them.

My temple has fallen apart the past three years. Every organ and gland in my body was damaged by the Lyme spirochete.My health practitioner, Natalia recently retested me with her digital diagnostic machine and smiled in pleasure.I had improved about 40%. We gazed at my first test. She looked at me,

"Young lady, I didn't want to frighten you last year, but you were very near paralysis." Tears filled my eyes as I ascertained God's mercy in helping me to decree that I would recover fully.As I gaze at the dry, nearly dead lawn in front of me, I see the parallel God shows me, his miraculous hand and restorative power! My redeemer lives, but had my words and healing declarations not be said...where would I be now?

God was cultivating a radical concept and practical formula of recovery and it was by speaking aloud His spoken Word. Do I believe that He is the resurrection and the life?

I call myself a Christian, a little Christ, an imitator of my Master who bought me with a great price at Calvary by His shed blood. At this stage in my faith walk, do I truly believe He is who He said He is?

Grueling tests before and at present, disappointments, acute physical and mental anguishes, heartaches, alienations, postponed dreams and visions.

Mary groaned about her brother Lazarus's death, weeping, "Lord, if you had been there, my brother would not have died."

And Jesus, answered, "Did I not say to you that if you believe You would see the glory of God?"

faith that pleases God must encapsulate unwavering and consistent belief and trust in what He will bring to pass, regardless of what is NOT. Having that strong, unwavering faith and trust avails the promise...His word. Faith is a choice. I choose life if I want to live Duet. 30:19.

We must ask, seek and knock. Will we expect to receive anything from God when we are shifting back and forth like the waves of the sea. God has committed our lives to success and restoration. Sometimes He will take us through the roughest and most barren terrain and leave us to die...before He will resurrect us!

My own tests have pushed me to the very limits of my human and spiritual endurance. In my grasping for tangible relief or trusting in my own efforts, I have failed to receive the promise already mine. I stand at the crossroads and await His direction. The saints before me cheer me on as I lift myself up from a fall.

This is what the journey is about, trusting Him even living in a broken body. Do I believe that He is my healer and that I am made whole? Do you believe?

MY BED in HELL, Journal Entry, March, 20, 2010

When God throws you into the sea of turmoil, you claw for life like a terrified cat thrown into the river for the first time. There is no rhythm to the undulation of daily pain and I'm more consumed with the torment that my hell will never end. The more I struggle to clamor into the presence of the King, the more I'm pulled in different opposing directions, yet I still grope for El Shaddai, the God of all comfort.

As I type and compose this message, every other word is misspelled and needs to be spell-checked. The former flowing creatively thoughts flowing from my mind is now interrupted by the ugly chore of going backwards each sentence to correct misspellings and typos. Very fun.

This miserable condition called Dystonia has truly made life and living a chore. The hobbies and gifts I've enjoyed in the past are nothing more than a ritualistic way to move past the hours in the hopes that maybe tomorrow, the incessant spasms will end and I can move forwrd to enjoy my life and what God has called me to do.

I want to run. I want to hide. I want to be carried off into Elijah's chariot away from the pulling of my spirit, the irritations of my soul and the constant, exhausting efforts of opposing and pushing against. And there are many who are in worse conditions than I. Poor souls who cannot even speak, they must talk through an electronic instrument. Some cannot feed themselves their hands are gnarled and drawn up to their chests.

Dystonia a living hell I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. This trial has been too long for me, three years and two months. I must pretend to be happy, after all I'm a long-time Christian. Christians should NOT reveal their pain and disgust with themselves or their sufferings...and when they do, they are rebuked and so-called friends will disconnect because they cannot handle the ugliness of the reality of chronic illness.

Count it all joy...my brethren...but don't complain OUT loud. No one wants to hear you die, LOL!

Sometimes I hold on and put on a strong face, but I'm not really strong. Any supplement or treatment that gives me the hope of some relief, I'll take.

And so, tomorrow is another day. I wonder how long Job suffered scraping himself of his boils. How many months or years before God gave him back his health, His children and his wealth? How many of us have truly wept at the suffering of this faithful man? He is now my second hero after Jesus Christ, of course. What piety and nobility that Job said, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed is the name of the LORD. Yet though HE slay me."

I concur with you, Job! Where can I go from the Lord. Whether I make my bed in hell or reach the lofty mountain tops, I lift up my eyes to Lord in n whom my helps comes from. So be it Amen.

INJUSTICE

Journal Entry, May 27, 2010
An ominous, voluminous unseen cloud ever closer, enveloping my hopes, dreams, vision and sometimes even my God given promises and His truth. The cloud is called injustice and it has not only pervaded my life, but almost every person on this planet from the beginning of time til the present and even threatening the future.

My first encounter with injustice was experiencing the event of a policeman evicting me from my home because of a phone call from my emotionally disturbed mom. It was the beginning of a string of negative events of rejection, homelessness and depression that I have thankfully overcome through God's healing restoration.

If injustice were just my past, dead and gone, it would surely have been vanquished by my Faith decrees. But injustice prevails, a perpetually glutenous entity devouring unknowing and gullible victims of the present. Injustice deeply grieves me and history has depicted its cruel grasp on humanity.

Victims come in all colors, age groups, faiths, sizes and creeds. Priest and kings, slaves and the middle class have been dragged into captivity during the siege of Jerusalem by the King of Babylon.

Insecure, fragile, aspiring and vivacious women are beguiled and brutalized by violence and intimidation, (and sometimes even murder) by insecure, mentally ill, partners African villagers have been murders by terrorists wielding axes all because of the size of their noses Genocide has scourged people from the earliest times The status of helpless, unborn babies is still be debated while thousands more are ripped apart in their own mothers wombs, which become their own bloody tombs.

Unconventional and struggling artists and musicians combat rejection from an industry that hasn't the time for constructive criticism and guidance because they are too busy empowering the machine for lucrative gain. many spirits have been broken.

Prejudice, discrimination, short attention-spans and greed have opened the door to a technology-driven culture that becomes colder and number each day.

Millions of illegal immigrants continue to pour through our borders, draining our economy and burdening hard-working, tax payers and legal immigrants, (who gained citizenship by the book) who are rightful citizens. The middle class are bearing the weight of this fiasco injustice.

Many Americans foresee their future with great trepidation because of a president who has whose agenda is teh most liberal of any president in office. What is the future of our children? Will they enjoy the Christian liberties we have enjoyed for decades or will they suffer the constraints of Socialism and worse yet, Communism? r Are we paying attention to what is happening with out beloved nation?

Our health care care system will usher in changes that will affect out and our childrens lifetime.

I am told to rest in the Lord and meditate on Him. Most assuredly, underlying, unconscious thoughts about my country's future are contributing to the Dystonia nervous symptoms I've been struggling with. God's peace passes all understanding and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. That is true.

However, how do I address and curtail these broiling emotional issues as I ponder their repercussions? What do I do about the unconscious grievances for the slaughtered unborn babies, oil spills that have killed sea life and our environment, battered women and their children, martyred saints and the victims of genocide? Our soldiers paid a great price for freedom and justice for all Americans and yet...have we forgotten? It's business as usual for most.

Too many are mindlessly ignoring the condition of our culture, preferring to be politically correct. Morality of our nation is declining with the impending threat of socialism. I am a patriot and though I love peace...I hate evil. I despise the evil oppressing the weak. And I know that God despises evil overpowering the defenseless victim. He is a just and loving God.

How do I balance hating what is evil and resting in the shadow of the Almighty's wings? I cannot be a hypocrite and embrace the beginnings of socialism, abortion and genocide/ethnic cleansing. I cannot smile idly while a liberal agenda threatens out society as we knew it and for what courageous veterans, (many of who lost their lives in battle) fought for our freedom and the right to protest!

I cannot stand neutral of issues of absolute right and wrong for it is my moral and godly responsibility to uphold those things that my Lord and Savior taught and preached against. ...justice and liberty for all. I have seen many Christian friends seek the admiration of men, but I am a God-pleaser.

This is a sad time where many will lose their lives and our Nation will be turned upside down. As for me and my house...we will serve the Lord!

LANDSLIDE

A landslide threatens to sweep me down the mountainside. All of my Christian strategy and knowledge have failed lately and my I feel like a teapot about ready to blow its top. When the rubber hits the road, the bottom line is that daily living and life can seem impossible to balance. I can't take anymore.

The last straw is ready to take my back down. The pain in my jaw and neck have been almost unbearable and it takes about 25 minutes for the muscles of my jaw, neck and throat to get relaxed, so I can fall asleep. I lay in bed, cry and can barely even intercede in prayer with You and Me's Pastor Dortch.

My precious father has been in the hospital for many weeks again and I miss him so. Seeing him suffer so and the doctors having no idea how to treat him has really discouraged me and I have lost hope in the medical system. They have done nothing more me either and I languish here.

God can be my ONLY hope to healing me and bringing this awful pain to pass.
My own mother ans sister have also alienated themselves from me. I am so spend from the relational and spiritual tug of war that pulls at my soul. And I try to be a listening ear for those in my circle who are going through their own hurricanes. It is heartbreaking to see so many people who are juggling multiple storms.

Some turn to music, some to drugs, some give up and become hermits and isolate themselves. I cry. All I can do is weep for us all. Can anyone remedy all this hurt?
MY poor husband is tire and angry...burned out by awaking at 5:30 am every morning and having to fight traffic for an hour. He is battered by the onslaught of arrogant service men who are unhappy with their routes, some are hunters who brag about all the does and fawns that they've shot and supervisors who criticize and accuse him that he is not doing his job properly. How can I expect him to have patience with me and my lack of patience. Several of our unruly male cats takes over the house jumping onto the stove and counter to get into and drag food all over the place. How many times have I asked hubby to supervise their activities? The white ferret chews apart every rubber and plastic item she can get sink her teeth into and uses every corner of the house as her toilet area. Frustrating!?

Besides trying to balance all my errands and duties of my indie music ministry which in itself entails a myriad of small things to be accomplished. Not to forget my heart of compassion for the many in my life who are going through unbelievable heartbreak, deaths of loved ones and serious illness. Quite a few more new people on my personal prayer list. I see their facers in the night as I lay in bed and wish I could quenceh every sorrow and tear from their eyes! Does anyone care?

The life of a Servant of God in these times can be overwhelming and heavy. I barely have the energy to be submissive and soft spoken and my strong voice betrays my frustration. Disagreements are fighting fire with fire. Unconsciously, my emotions are like tender fists in boxing gloves, held up against my husband unintentional blows. He never means me harm, but in my fragile, tender and angst-ridden state, every statement seems like a condescending barb. He's too worn out to deal with anything more than a dirty litter box. I must quietly find someplace else or some other ears to protest about the unnecessary nonsense I've dealt with.

So where does a small warrior go for rest? Thank God for tears and a gentle kitten or else surely I'd go mad. I want to make to world go away. Even more I want to be translated and get off this planet. The enemy has released legions of demons upon this planet and all are inundated with every type to irritant. Sickness, family schisms in families, prodigal children, adulterous spouses, bankruptcies, unemployment, car problems. We're waging a raging war. As enlisted soldiers, we won't survive unless we're bathed in the Holy Spirit's strength and wearing the armor of God.
When faced with a landslide, one must STAND! God know how much we can handle...and sometimes it is an amazing amount. Imagine that He thinks we can actually handle it! OH...but we need to help carry each others burden.

Shepherd, we are weary.

KEEPING SECRETS Pt 1

(Family Generational Curses & Sins)

Suzanne Somers wrote a powerful book about her family's secret of alcoholism. Reading her story, I was moved by her courage to lay herself open to criticism. How could she reveal such personal stuff about herself and her family?

How evil and Satan love to cower, hidden in the darkness. I concur with Suzanne's courage. Christ came not to bring peace but to divide and He talks about that division when one enters into the covenant of grace and salvation. Christ has entered my soul and life with His peace and healing. I am a NEW creation in Christ!

Presently, I mourn about the deadly poison inflicting my own family for over thirty years. My mother and sister have preferred to hide in the darkness and cower for fear of Christ illuminating their darkness. Many nights, I've tossed and turned in bed, grieving for what the enemy has robbed from me, a family that loves and communicates honestly.

To them, honesty means criticizing, back-biting and gossiping behind each others back with a cruelty and unforgiving vengeance that has greatly damaged each other and me...And they still embrace evil and sin. I weep in sadness, still praying every night for my mother and younger sister for 27 years, (since committed my life to Jesus Christ in 1983.) Change has yet to come.

But...God is more than able to heal and bring this family to a cleansing, redeeming state. They do not hear, preferring to ignore my phone calls or emails.

Abuse/neglect, drugs and alcohol all have the same results: alienation, bitterness, unforgiveness and self pity. Once an offense has not been forgiven, a door opens into the Satanic realm. Forgiveness has destroyed many friendships, families, marriages and lives. Jesus said, "If you do not forgive you will not be forgiven." Forgiveness is not a perquisite. It is a command.

My family situation has escalated into hideous, spiritual proportions. When a mother can tell a daughter that she will "sh...t" on her youngest daughters grave" and forbids three of her four daughters from attending her own (future) funeral...a line has to be drawn and evil must be confronted. When a sister tells her oldest sister who is being violently abused by a demon-possessed husband, "You deserve it for all your dalliances with these young guys" a line has to be drawn.

Having gone through so many evil and tempestuous storms and abuses, I'm no longer afraid to confront, because Christ has called me to stand against the principalities of darkness. Satan is a defeated foe, but still seeks to destroy the marriage and family unit. I will not cower before him, nor my mother or sister. I honor my mother and father as the Bible commands, but I cannot stand to watch them be used as Satan's pawn to damage other members of the family.

My journey to healing has been a long one. I've faced my demons of fear and compliance and taken responsibility for the privilege of choice. I'm no longer a slave to an abuser and know how how to wield my sword of courage and erect the appropriate boundaries. I've also learned about the healing balm of forgiveness...to "not let the sun down on my wrath." God allows us to be "righteously" angry until we go to sleep, but we must never carry that grudge into the next morning or we will open a door to Satan's domain.

Fight fire with fire??? Truly, the bonfire will rage. We must douse the flames with love and forgiveness and take responsibility for our part. With Christ all things are possible.

SOLDIER of the MOST HIGH GOD

Welcome to my BLOGSPOT, Basement Chronicles! I’m a 26 year veteran/soldier of God’s mighty army and I obediently write and speak about what God has placed on my heart. Being still and knowing God has enabled mer to navigate the perilous mine fields of life. Walking and resting in the shadow of the Almighty gives me the endurance to run her race: and one day receive the crown of life when I meet my master and Savior face to face..

In many way, my life has mirrored Joseph’s, (Patriarch of the Old testament) where unjust and devastating circumstances could have deterred me from my calling and God’s love. My heroes, Old testament prophets, Ezekiel and Jeremiah as well as Joseph and Job, have encouraged me to not shirk God’s intense refining. Confirmations prophesied to me throughout my long faith walk, gave me comfort and reassurance that I was on the right track as long as I stayed close to my Savior.

The trials have been excruciating, to say the least, but God’s precious glimpses into His grace and glory as well as the hurting people along the way have far outweighed the difficult setbacks. Taxing illnesses and painful emotional healing from child abuse, anorexia/bulemia, inferiority complex, a violent marriage and divorce and life-threatening, chronic illnesses as lessons from the past. Today, I’m a transformed product of one completely surrendered to Christ!

My latest studio project, MOD PROPHET, isn’t light-hearted fare. I address painful, relevant issues, losses and injustices that I experienced firsthand and helped others to overcome.

Mod Prophet tackles the human struggle with sin, “I Keep Falling,” “Surrender,” a plea of a spouse unwilling to divorce, “Testosterone, Logic & Intuition” addresses the Battle of the sexes and “Policing the Other” exposes hypocrisy and legalism in the church. I do balance these weighty subjects with anthemic songs of courage and spiritual endurance, “Coup De’Etat” (God’s command of courage to Joshua) and even a few artsy love ballads!

I have never been one to confine myself into a box and have embraced my multi-dimensional art, inspiring with excellence, truth, beauty and the heart of God. I refuse to compromise my unconventional art for the sake of commercialism, preferring to present God’s perspective however sobering and hard-hitting, like the old-time prophets I so revere. They were not popular, and at times even despised and so I understands the call and submit.

To obey is better than to sacrifice and God is my reward!

DEPRESSION & SUICIDE, TEEN CHALLENGE

Transitioning into adulthood through the process of adolescence can be one of the most tumultuous and draining times a parent, foster parent or guardian can ever endure.

The main issue is gaining a good understanding of the brain, emotional and chemical processes and once understood, can be properly assessed and guided. It’s a long transformation process into adulthood, (almost driving parents nuts), but with good education, this period can turn out okay!

The brain is a very complex organ, so complex that even scientists and psychologists have a difficult time administering medication to stabilizes symptoms and behavior patterns.

This amazing organ houses and navigates all the emotions and thinking through the release of nuero-transmitters. Pre teens and teen have ranging hormones that run amok The nuero-transmitters are very unstable as they conglomerate into a smooth transition into a normal reasoning brain..This transaction is so delicate, that even scientists have a difficult time trying to pin down the reason for clinical depression & suicide.
Parents can help. Diet is a huge part of brain/emotional processing. Parents wonder why their kids have all sorts of health and emotional issues, not facing the fact that sugar, refined carbs & fried junk food all interfere with the normal nuero-transmitter releases. Anything can throw amok the whole system, including chemicals.

When I had custody of my nephew, he had terrible ADHD. He was a brilliant kid but so scatterbrained he caused chaos in his classroom. My mentally handicapped sister fed him Captain Crunch cookies & sweets all day & put no boundaries on his activities. He was a mess when I had him. There was a lot of mental abuse also.

Structure and a strict health diet changed him from night and day. I also introduced Andre to guitar to focus his creativity and intelligence. He play lead guitar also! I dosed with encourage, loving words of affirmation, bedtime prayers & structure. Andre is now a honor role college student earning his AA degree in criminal justice! My father and step-mother had disowned him and prophesied that he would end up in prison. Imagine that! I rebuked my whole family and prophesied life and success to my precious nephew. That kid has a tsunami of raging anger about his mother’s abuse. What a change when I got a hold of him. Kids need to know their parents, (or aunts, in my case) are safe to share their deepest feelings.

There is a myriad of websites devoted to nuero-transmitters, depression and diet relating to good emotional health.