A landslide threatens to sweep me down the mountainside. All of my Christian strategy and knowledge have failed lately and my I feel like a teapot about ready to blow its top. When the rubber hits the road, the bottom line is that daily living and life can seem impossible to balance. I can't take anymore.
The last straw is ready to take my back down. The pain in my jaw and neck have been almost unbearable and it takes about 25 minutes for the muscles of my jaw, neck and throat to get relaxed, so I can fall asleep. I lay in bed, cry and can barely even intercede in prayer with You and Me's Pastor Dortch.
My precious father has been in the hospital for many weeks again and I miss him so. Seeing him suffer so and the doctors having no idea how to treat him has really discouraged me and I have lost hope in the medical system. They have done nothing more me either and I languish here.
God can be my ONLY hope to healing me and bringing this awful pain to pass.
My own mother ans sister have also alienated themselves from me. I am so spend from the relational and spiritual tug of war that pulls at my soul. And I try to be a listening ear for those in my circle who are going through their own hurricanes. It is heartbreaking to see so many people who are juggling multiple storms.
Some turn to music, some to drugs, some give up and become hermits and isolate themselves. I cry. All I can do is weep for us all. Can anyone remedy all this hurt?
MY poor husband is tire and angry...burned out by awaking at 5:30 am every morning and having to fight traffic for an hour. He is battered by the onslaught of arrogant service men who are unhappy with their routes, some are hunters who brag about all the does and fawns that they've shot and supervisors who criticize and accuse him that he is not doing his job properly. How can I expect him to have patience with me and my lack of patience. Several of our unruly male cats takes over the house jumping onto the stove and counter to get into and drag food all over the place. How many times have I asked hubby to supervise their activities? The white ferret chews apart every rubber and plastic item she can get sink her teeth into and uses every corner of the house as her toilet area. Frustrating!?
Besides trying to balance all my errands and duties of my indie music ministry which in itself entails a myriad of small things to be accomplished. Not to forget my heart of compassion for the many in my life who are going through unbelievable heartbreak, deaths of loved ones and serious illness. Quite a few more new people on my personal prayer list. I see their facers in the night as I lay in bed and wish I could quenceh every sorrow and tear from their eyes! Does anyone care?
The life of a Servant of God in these times can be overwhelming and heavy. I barely have the energy to be submissive and soft spoken and my strong voice betrays my frustration. Disagreements are fighting fire with fire. Unconsciously, my emotions are like tender fists in boxing gloves, held up against my husband unintentional blows. He never means me harm, but in my fragile, tender and angst-ridden state, every statement seems like a condescending barb. He's too worn out to deal with anything more than a dirty litter box. I must quietly find someplace else or some other ears to protest about the unnecessary nonsense I've dealt with.
So where does a small warrior go for rest? Thank God for tears and a gentle kitten or else surely I'd go mad. I want to make to world go away. Even more I want to be translated and get off this planet. The enemy has released legions of demons upon this planet and all are inundated with every type to irritant. Sickness, family schisms in families, prodigal children, adulterous spouses, bankruptcies, unemployment, car problems. We're waging a raging war. As enlisted soldiers, we won't survive unless we're bathed in the Holy Spirit's strength and wearing the armor of God.
When faced with a landslide, one must STAND! God know how much we can handle...and sometimes it is an amazing amount. Imagine that He thinks we can actually handle it! OH...but we need to help carry each others burden.
Shepherd, we are weary.
Anita Ivette Ferrer
Asbury Park Angel
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
KEEPING SECRETS Pt 1
(Family Generational Curses & Sins)
Suzanne Somers wrote a powerful book about her family's secret of alcoholism. Reading her story, I was moved by her courage to lay herself open to criticism. How could she reveal such personal stuff about herself and her family?
How evil and Satan love to cower, hidden in the darkness. I concur with Suzanne's courage. Christ came not to bring peace but to divide and He talks about that division when one enters into the covenant of grace and salvation. Christ has entered my soul and life with His peace and healing. I am a NEW creation in Christ!
Presently, I mourn about the deadly poison inflicting my own family for over thirty years. My mother and sister have preferred to hide in the darkness and cower for fear of Christ illuminating their darkness. Many nights, I've tossed and turned in bed, grieving for what the enemy has robbed from me, a family that loves and communicates honestly.
To them, honesty means criticizing, back-biting and gossiping behind each others back with a cruelty and unforgiving vengeance that has greatly damaged each other and me...And they still embrace evil and sin. I weep in sadness, still praying every night for my mother and younger sister for 27 years, (since committed my life to Jesus Christ in 1983.) Change has yet to come.
But...God is more than able to heal and bring this family to a cleansing, redeeming state. They do not hear, preferring to ignore my phone calls or emails.
Abuse/neglect, drugs and alcohol all have the same results: alienation, bitterness, unforgiveness and self pity. Once an offense has not been forgiven, a door opens into the Satanic realm. Forgiveness has destroyed many friendships, families, marriages and lives. Jesus said, "If you do not forgive you will not be forgiven." Forgiveness is not a perquisite. It is a command.
My family situation has escalated into hideous, spiritual proportions. When a mother can tell a daughter that she will "sh...t" on her youngest daughters grave" and forbids three of her four daughters from attending her own (future) funeral...a line has to be drawn and evil must be confronted. When a sister tells her oldest sister who is being violently abused by a demon-possessed husband, "You deserve it for all your dalliances with these young guys" a line has to be drawn.
Having gone through so many evil and tempestuous storms and abuses, I'm no longer afraid to confront, because Christ has called me to stand against the principalities of darkness. Satan is a defeated foe, but still seeks to destroy the marriage and family unit. I will not cower before him, nor my mother or sister. I honor my mother and father as the Bible commands, but I cannot stand to watch them be used as Satan's pawn to damage other members of the family.
My journey to healing has been a long one. I've faced my demons of fear and compliance and taken responsibility for the privilege of choice. I'm no longer a slave to an abuser and know how how to wield my sword of courage and erect the appropriate boundaries. I've also learned about the healing balm of forgiveness...to "not let the sun down on my wrath." God allows us to be "righteously" angry until we go to sleep, but we must never carry that grudge into the next morning or we will open a door to Satan's domain.
Fight fire with fire??? Truly, the bonfire will rage. We must douse the flames with love and forgiveness and take responsibility for our part. With Christ all things are possible.
Suzanne Somers wrote a powerful book about her family's secret of alcoholism. Reading her story, I was moved by her courage to lay herself open to criticism. How could she reveal such personal stuff about herself and her family?
How evil and Satan love to cower, hidden in the darkness. I concur with Suzanne's courage. Christ came not to bring peace but to divide and He talks about that division when one enters into the covenant of grace and salvation. Christ has entered my soul and life with His peace and healing. I am a NEW creation in Christ!
Presently, I mourn about the deadly poison inflicting my own family for over thirty years. My mother and sister have preferred to hide in the darkness and cower for fear of Christ illuminating their darkness. Many nights, I've tossed and turned in bed, grieving for what the enemy has robbed from me, a family that loves and communicates honestly.
To them, honesty means criticizing, back-biting and gossiping behind each others back with a cruelty and unforgiving vengeance that has greatly damaged each other and me...And they still embrace evil and sin. I weep in sadness, still praying every night for my mother and younger sister for 27 years, (since committed my life to Jesus Christ in 1983.) Change has yet to come.
But...God is more than able to heal and bring this family to a cleansing, redeeming state. They do not hear, preferring to ignore my phone calls or emails.
Abuse/neglect, drugs and alcohol all have the same results: alienation, bitterness, unforgiveness and self pity. Once an offense has not been forgiven, a door opens into the Satanic realm. Forgiveness has destroyed many friendships, families, marriages and lives. Jesus said, "If you do not forgive you will not be forgiven." Forgiveness is not a perquisite. It is a command.
My family situation has escalated into hideous, spiritual proportions. When a mother can tell a daughter that she will "sh...t" on her youngest daughters grave" and forbids three of her four daughters from attending her own (future) funeral...a line has to be drawn and evil must be confronted. When a sister tells her oldest sister who is being violently abused by a demon-possessed husband, "You deserve it for all your dalliances with these young guys" a line has to be drawn.
Having gone through so many evil and tempestuous storms and abuses, I'm no longer afraid to confront, because Christ has called me to stand against the principalities of darkness. Satan is a defeated foe, but still seeks to destroy the marriage and family unit. I will not cower before him, nor my mother or sister. I honor my mother and father as the Bible commands, but I cannot stand to watch them be used as Satan's pawn to damage other members of the family.
My journey to healing has been a long one. I've faced my demons of fear and compliance and taken responsibility for the privilege of choice. I'm no longer a slave to an abuser and know how how to wield my sword of courage and erect the appropriate boundaries. I've also learned about the healing balm of forgiveness...to "not let the sun down on my wrath." God allows us to be "righteously" angry until we go to sleep, but we must never carry that grudge into the next morning or we will open a door to Satan's domain.
Fight fire with fire??? Truly, the bonfire will rage. We must douse the flames with love and forgiveness and take responsibility for our part. With Christ all things are possible.
Friday, February 5, 2010
SOLDIER of the MOST HIGH GOD
Welcome to my BLOGSPOT, Basement Chronicles! I’m a 26 year veteran/soldier of God’s mighty army and I obediently write and speak about what God has placed on my heart. Being still and knowing God has enabled mer to navigate the perilous mine fields of life. Walking and resting in the shadow of the Almighty gives me the endurance to run her race: and one day receive the crown of life when I meet my master and Savior face to face..
In many way, my life has mirrored Joseph’s, (Patriarch of the Old testament) where unjust and devastating circumstances could have deterred me from my calling and God’s love. My heroes, Old testament prophets, Ezekiel and Jeremiah as well as Joseph and Job, have encouraged me to not shirk God’s intense refining. Confirmations prophesied to me throughout my long faith walk, gave me comfort and reassurance that I was on the right track as long as I stayed close to my Savior.
The trials have been excruciating, to say the least, but God’s precious glimpses into His grace and glory as well as the hurting people along the way have far outweighed the difficult setbacks. Taxing illnesses and painful emotional healing from child abuse, anorexia/bulemia, inferiority complex, a violent marriage and divorce and life-threatening, chronic illnesses as lessons from the past. Today, I’m a transformed product of one completely surrendered to Christ!
My latest studio project, MOD PROPHET, isn’t light-hearted fare. I address painful, relevant issues, losses and injustices that I experienced firsthand and helped others to overcome.
Mod Prophet tackles the human struggle with sin, “I Keep Falling,” “Surrender,” a plea of a spouse unwilling to divorce, “Testosterone, Logic & Intuition” addresses the Battle of the sexes and “Policing the Other” exposes hypocrisy and legalism in the church. I do balance these weighty subjects with anthemic songs of courage and spiritual endurance, “Coup De’Etat” (God’s command of courage to Joshua) and even a few artsy love ballads!
I have never been one to confine myself into a box and have embraced my multi-dimensional art, inspiring with excellence, truth, beauty and the heart of God. I refuse to compromise my unconventional art for the sake of commercialism, preferring to present God’s perspective however sobering and hard-hitting, like the old-time prophets I so revere. They were not popular, and at times even despised and so I understands the call and submit.
To obey is better than to sacrifice and God is my reward!
In many way, my life has mirrored Joseph’s, (Patriarch of the Old testament) where unjust and devastating circumstances could have deterred me from my calling and God’s love. My heroes, Old testament prophets, Ezekiel and Jeremiah as well as Joseph and Job, have encouraged me to not shirk God’s intense refining. Confirmations prophesied to me throughout my long faith walk, gave me comfort and reassurance that I was on the right track as long as I stayed close to my Savior.
The trials have been excruciating, to say the least, but God’s precious glimpses into His grace and glory as well as the hurting people along the way have far outweighed the difficult setbacks. Taxing illnesses and painful emotional healing from child abuse, anorexia/bulemia, inferiority complex, a violent marriage and divorce and life-threatening, chronic illnesses as lessons from the past. Today, I’m a transformed product of one completely surrendered to Christ!
My latest studio project, MOD PROPHET, isn’t light-hearted fare. I address painful, relevant issues, losses and injustices that I experienced firsthand and helped others to overcome.
Mod Prophet tackles the human struggle with sin, “I Keep Falling,” “Surrender,” a plea of a spouse unwilling to divorce, “Testosterone, Logic & Intuition” addresses the Battle of the sexes and “Policing the Other” exposes hypocrisy and legalism in the church. I do balance these weighty subjects with anthemic songs of courage and spiritual endurance, “Coup De’Etat” (God’s command of courage to Joshua) and even a few artsy love ballads!
I have never been one to confine myself into a box and have embraced my multi-dimensional art, inspiring with excellence, truth, beauty and the heart of God. I refuse to compromise my unconventional art for the sake of commercialism, preferring to present God’s perspective however sobering and hard-hitting, like the old-time prophets I so revere. They were not popular, and at times even despised and so I understands the call and submit.
To obey is better than to sacrifice and God is my reward!
DEPRESSION & SUICIDE, TEEN CHALLENGE
Transitioning into adulthood through the process of adolescence can be one of the most tumultuous and draining times a parent, foster parent or guardian can ever endure.
The main issue is gaining a good understanding of the brain, emotional and chemical processes and once understood, can be properly assessed and guided. It’s a long transformation process into adulthood, (almost driving parents nuts), but with good education, this period can turn out okay!
The brain is a very complex organ, so complex that even scientists and psychologists have a difficult time administering medication to stabilizes symptoms and behavior patterns.
This amazing organ houses and navigates all the emotions and thinking through the release of nuero-transmitters. Pre teens and teen have ranging hormones that run amok The nuero-transmitters are very unstable as they conglomerate into a smooth transition into a normal reasoning brain..This transaction is so delicate, that even scientists have a difficult time trying to pin down the reason for clinical depression & suicide.
Parents can help. Diet is a huge part of brain/emotional processing. Parents wonder why their kids have all sorts of health and emotional issues, not facing the fact that sugar, refined carbs & fried junk food all interfere with the normal nuero-transmitter releases. Anything can throw amok the whole system, including chemicals.
When I had custody of my nephew, he had terrible ADHD. He was a brilliant kid but so scatterbrained he caused chaos in his classroom. My mentally handicapped sister fed him Captain Crunch cookies & sweets all day & put no boundaries on his activities. He was a mess when I had him. There was a lot of mental abuse also.
Structure and a strict health diet changed him from night and day. I also introduced Andre to guitar to focus his creativity and intelligence. He play lead guitar also! I dosed with encourage, loving words of affirmation, bedtime prayers & structure. Andre is now a honor role college student earning his AA degree in criminal justice! My father and step-mother had disowned him and prophesied that he would end up in prison. Imagine that! I rebuked my whole family and prophesied life and success to my precious nephew. That kid has a tsunami of raging anger about his mother’s abuse. What a change when I got a hold of him. Kids need to know their parents, (or aunts, in my case) are safe to share their deepest feelings.
There is a myriad of websites devoted to nuero-transmitters, depression and diet relating to good emotional health.
The main issue is gaining a good understanding of the brain, emotional and chemical processes and once understood, can be properly assessed and guided. It’s a long transformation process into adulthood, (almost driving parents nuts), but with good education, this period can turn out okay!
The brain is a very complex organ, so complex that even scientists and psychologists have a difficult time administering medication to stabilizes symptoms and behavior patterns.
This amazing organ houses and navigates all the emotions and thinking through the release of nuero-transmitters. Pre teens and teen have ranging hormones that run amok The nuero-transmitters are very unstable as they conglomerate into a smooth transition into a normal reasoning brain..This transaction is so delicate, that even scientists have a difficult time trying to pin down the reason for clinical depression & suicide.
Parents can help. Diet is a huge part of brain/emotional processing. Parents wonder why their kids have all sorts of health and emotional issues, not facing the fact that sugar, refined carbs & fried junk food all interfere with the normal nuero-transmitter releases. Anything can throw amok the whole system, including chemicals.
When I had custody of my nephew, he had terrible ADHD. He was a brilliant kid but so scatterbrained he caused chaos in his classroom. My mentally handicapped sister fed him Captain Crunch cookies & sweets all day & put no boundaries on his activities. He was a mess when I had him. There was a lot of mental abuse also.
Structure and a strict health diet changed him from night and day. I also introduced Andre to guitar to focus his creativity and intelligence. He play lead guitar also! I dosed with encourage, loving words of affirmation, bedtime prayers & structure. Andre is now a honor role college student earning his AA degree in criminal justice! My father and step-mother had disowned him and prophesied that he would end up in prison. Imagine that! I rebuked my whole family and prophesied life and success to my precious nephew. That kid has a tsunami of raging anger about his mother’s abuse. What a change when I got a hold of him. Kids need to know their parents, (or aunts, in my case) are safe to share their deepest feelings.
There is a myriad of websites devoted to nuero-transmitters, depression and diet relating to good emotional health.
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